Miss Independent and Mr. Dependent: “If a woman is interested in a particular man, should she let him know or should she let things happen naturally?”
Miss Independent and Mr. Dependent is a series of blog posts about what men and women think about dating, relationships, and real life situations! We will be taking a topic and asking men and women questions. We’re doing this anonymously because we want their open and honest opinion.
At any age, dating may be difficult. In this day in time, some men aren’t as quick to approach women they are interested in because they may feel as if a particular woman has it all together or is too independent. Some women may feel as if some men are too dependent.
Whatever the case may be, sometimes a man may catch a woman’s eye. Because of social standards, “what is a girl to do?” Is it okay for a woman to let a man know that she’s interested in him?
On October 21, 2019, I asked (all are over the age of 30) three men and three women the following two questions:
Question 1: If a woman is interested in a particular man, should she let him know or should she let things happen naturally?
How men responded:
Man #1: “Let him know.”
Man #2: “Depends on if she is strong enough to accept rejection (worst case scenario).”
Man #3: “I think it’s just as okay for her to let him know as it would be for him to let her know. Why should shooting shots only be allowed for men? I think women should feel just as empowered to go after what they truly want in life—and that includes freedom to express interest in a way that aligns with their own authenticity, self-respect, and deep, experiential wisdom. Such should not be a right that’s only afforded to men.”
How women responded:
Woman #1: “It depends on the situation and each person involved. Before, I felt it was okay to let a man know that you are interested in him. Now, I feel that a man goes after what he wants and they are naturally born hunters, so for myself, I now prefer for a man to approach me. I don't feel like it is anything wrong with giving him a smile or having body language that shows you are approachable. As a single woman that desires a committed and loving relationship, my understanding of how a healthy relationship is, is growing as my relationship with God deepens. Please let me know if you need me to explain anything more deeply or precisely. This question has been on the forefront of my mind for a few months now. I hope my answer helps you.”
Woman #2: “Since when are we the type of women to let men do things for us? Too many women are hesitant to ask guys on dates, to give guys an inkling of their interest in them. And it's upsetting and limiting to the both of us, and to the dudes who want to date us.”
“We're afraid of coming off as too assertive, too dominant or (the worst crime a woman can commit) not "mysterious" or "chase-able" enough.”
“But if women start asking guys out on dates, it'll become a more normal way of doing things, and all of these fears will become eradicated.”
“In other words, if we start asking men out, it'll pave the way for future generations of women to do so, too – and, even more so, to feel good about it.”
“We have the power to change what's normal.”
“Think of it like this: Just a few decades ago, it wasn't "the norm" to have relationships exclusively meant for hooking up. It wasn't "the norm" for a woman to live with a guy before she married him.”
“Set standards, once you have taken the step to ask a person to meet for coffee etc., you meet one on one, get the chance to get a feel from that person. Allow them to make the next effort to see you, connect via text, phone calls, date.”
Woman #3: “I think the woman should let things happen naturally because she letting him know first that she is interested may cause him to be egotistical (self centered) - thinking the relationship is based on him. Allowing it to happen naturally, she realizes he wanted her and she can express how she wanted him- everyone is on one accord because the feelings are mutual. Now they can begin to grow together in unity instead of one sided due to one's ego.😁”
Question 2: If she does let him know, will she seem desperate or seem as if she knows what she wants?
How men responded:
Man #1: “It’s more unsure or possibly lacking confidence.... in that case she may seem insecure.”
Man #2: “Depends on her. Was her voice cracking when she asked or did she seem confident.”
Man #3: “If she lets him know, then she knows what she wants.”
How women responded:
Woman #1: "It depends on how she approaches him. Men think differently than women so to me it truly depends on how he sees her as well as feels about her. Just an example would be women who dress very revealing. Their clothes may be extremely nice and expensive but they sometimes cheapen it by the way they wear their clothes. I think it is best women stay patient and let him come to the woman because he might not be coming for a reason. I am learning this in my own life."
Woman #2: “It can be taken as a strong person, but it depends on how she continues after the first time meeting. You set standards, don’t be quick to over talk, listen to them. Go in knowing this person has someone else, think like a man but know you are a woman full of power once you set standards and watch and see his action.”
“I typically won’t text or call, after I have exchanged numbers. I give him the opportunity to reach out so he can feel as if he is in control, but at the same time, I pay attention. Make it known what your desires are when the time is right. If he is interested, you will know. Don’t “give it up soon”, they can get that anywhere. Let him date you. If he can’t open doors for you, take you out after you've set the tone, then move on. Don't be anyone's down time when convenient.”
Woman #3: “I would say she knows what she wants. 😄 HE AIN'T GOING NOWHERE.”
The men and women had such intriguing answers. Because they all lead very busy and productive lives, I took it a step further and asked only one of them the following questions. I asked Man #1 the questions below:
My question: So if she doesn’t let him know, that makes her seem insecure? But if she’s direct, he may think she’s pushy or overly confident. Man #1: “Direct takes the guess work out.”
My question: If she’s interested in him, could she let him know by saying that she would like to get to know him a little better through just talking/conversations and she would like to see where it goes from there? Do you think he would be okay with that? Or would he rather have a more direct approach? Man #1: “That would be ok.... I would think. See if the energy is reciprocated.”
My question: Or if he’s not interested at all (not even interested in conversation), he would let her know and not waste her or his time. Man #1: “He could be interested, just occupied.” “That’s not anything against her - just may be timing.”
I appreciate the men and women for taking the time to answer the questions! #staytuned
Let me know what you think in the comment section below!
#missindependent #mrdependent #blogseries
- Denise Donald